The Myth of Blogging Cliques

by Fadra Nally on October 6, 2011

I hear this time after time. Blogging is full of cliques. To a degree, it’s true. But usually when I hear blogging cliques being discussed, it’s with an air of resentment. It’s generally the “newer” bloggers talking about how the “older” bloggers are so standoffish.

Again, there may be some truth to that and as one of the “newer” bloggers, I might be speaking out of turn but it’s time to shed a little light and maturity on the issue.

I started blogging a little over 2 years ago. By today’s standards, it makes me a bit of a veteran. It seems that many of my closest peers started blogging right around the same time. We’ve almost grown up together as many of us attended our first conference, the Bloggy Boot Camp workshop. We’ve since seen our firsts right around the same time: our first BlogHer, our first PR contact, our first sponsored post, our first 1000 followers. It lends to a bit of camaraderie.

Since that time, I would venture to guess that thousands more blogs have begun. A new blog launches every day and I’m sure another one fades away. Some people start blogging for all the wrong reasons and decide it’s not worth their time or effort. Others end up like me. They discover the community aspect of it and find writing to be liberating. That’s blogging at its best.

So why can’t we all just get along?

Let’s just state this first and foremost. Most of the “old school” bloggers have been around for many years. They’ve built up a strong and loyal audience. And most of them have earned and kept their popularity for one simple reason: they are good writers.

Perhaps we feel that being part of the in crowd would make us brilliant and popular writers by association. Ahhhh, if only it were that easy.

Perhaps we feel that if they would only give some advice so that we, too, can have thousands of fans and followers that hang on our every word. I’ve heard the same advice given over and over again: work hard.

Perhaps we feel that we are being treated as less than a person if we aren’t given the time of day. Yes, these are the tricks your mind can play on you when you insist everything is about YOU.

Although I’m not an “old school” blogger, I’ve met enough of them to have learned a thing or two that I think should be known by the blogosphere at large. If you are an old school blogger and I’m speaking out of turn, please forgive me.

1. Nobody owes anybody anything.

Sounds very selfish, right? First of all, if you are an income-earning blogger, consider yourself a self-employed independent contractor competing with all the other bloggers out there for the same jobs. Now why would I help you get a job that I might need/want? Secondly, income aside, most successes come from hard work. Plain and simple. These bloggers might have paved the way but they certainly don’t have to drive our cars too.

2. You can’t ignore history.

If you know more than the next person, it’s easy to become the latest expert. I know WordPress pretty well. I love it and use it on several sites. Apparently, it used to be quite a beast. Many people used (some still do) TypePad. Many blogged before it was even called blogging. It was called journaling. It’s been an evolutionary process for them and perhaps the new kids haven’t quite earned their stripes yet.

3. Blogging is first and foremost a community.

This is the most important point I want to stress. This is the part that people don’t get. This is the part people resent. I myself didn’t really get it either until I was fortunate enough to be traveling alongside Mishelle Lane from Secret Agent Mama. We had just attended a Nintendo sponsored event and were catching the same flight home. I happened to notice the close friendship between Mishelle and Angie Lynch from A Whole Lot of Nothing, who was also attending the event.

Someone like me might have felt a tad like an outsider and we may have somehow talked about it. I remember Mishelle telling me that she and Angie had been blogging for years and years. In fact, back in the day, there weren’t many bloggers. They all made the daily rounds every day to each other’s blogs and they all commented. It was more like checking in with a friend and catching up on the day’s news. It was a small, close-knit community.

I sort of wish I had been part of the evolution and that I could appreciate how blogging got the way that it is today. But I respect the history of it and the community of it. So the next time you feel certain that you are being excluded because you’re not part of the clique, jump in anyway, be yourself, and perhaps you’ll make some new friends.

Photo credit jlburgess

  • http://twitter.com/mommyhoodnxtrt mommyhoodnextright

    Great post! I never wanted to believe in the myth of blogging cliques, but early on, I kind of did. I learned with time and by putting myself out there more, that bloggers are real people, wanting to make connections with those who a)show an interest, b) are interesting, and c)care. The blogging communities are just like those in real life. I think that’s what I missed early on due to my focus on blogging as a competitive sport.

  • Good Day Regular People

    Oh, so well said, Fadra.

    You just never know.  Sometimes I wish I knew what was really going on, that I was more in the loop, other times, when I see something go down…I’m so glad I’m not in the thick of it.

    Ying and ying and everything. GOod and bad to it all. Being in or out, both have benefits.  And not so great stuff, too.

  • http://twitter.com/notasupermom Anne Parris

    I always think of a clique as a group of friends who haven’t met me yet. 
    I have a very close group of girl friends. We probably seem intimidating when we are together because we know each other so well, but there’s always room for one more. I assume this is true for other people.

  • http://twitter.com/edenland edenland

    ADORE this post. Well said …. I love your mind, Fadra. You got the smarts.

  • http://genieinablog.com. Leigh Ann

    I’m so glad you wrote about this. I remarked to someone today how sick I was of reading posts about cliques and tribes and feeling like an outsider. When I started blogging publicly (after 2.5 years of blogging for family), I was a very little fish in a big pond.  Now I have to remind myself that although i’m not a big blogger, I have a much bigger readership than I did then, and some blogger may even look up to me like i did some others almost a year ago.

    But now? I get several follow notifications a week, if not a day, and there’s no way I can follow everyone back, nor do I want to. So, yeah, maybe I now seem snobby to someone who just followed me because they liked me, but I can’t clutter up my stream with random people. But I’m more than happy to interact with you if you talk to me!

  • http://clarkkentslunchbox.blogspot.com/ R_Mattocks

    All excellent points. I’ve heard a lot of the veterans voice their annoyance over newer, unknown bloggers trying insert themselves into conversations between the vet and others on Twitter and in comment threads. In some cases, the newbies that have continue to do this have gotten themselves a rep too. This is rare, though & kind of ties back to your groupie post. That all said, if a new blogger has something to contribute to the conversation in an authentic, intelligent voice, aside from a few self-important “big deal” bloggers, the larger majority are very welcoming. 

    On another level, a lot of the vets are very busy with so much other blog-related stuff, writing gigs, consulting work, etc. that they are overwhelmed, and just don’t have time to engage as much as they once did. I’ve been blown off tons of times, and then met some of these same people at a conference where we ended up becoming good friends. 

  • http://reallywhatwerewethinking.blogspot.com Dana K

    Love this post.  Sure, there are cliques/communities everywhere, online & off.  It’s how the world works.  You enjoy the company of people who share a common goal or interest.  I have tried to connect with a few “big” bloggers because I had an interest in them.  Some ignored me, others (Erin Kotecki Vest comes to mind) semi-regularly interact with me.  Likewise, I have moved on from some “big” bloggers and have connected with MANY bloggers who are on a similar path to me & my blog.

    It’s nothing personal.  If someone has 100,000+ followers, even if they follow me back, I don’t expect them to hang at my every word or read all of my awesome blog posts ;-) .  That’s not realistic.

    Don’t get mad if you get ignored; just move on.

  • Pingback: GOOD READ: The Myth of Blogging Cliques | She Posts

  • Anonymous

    :) I’d actually make #3 into #1. If the newer bloggers are griping about cliques, it’s possible that they haven’t been joining in the community properly. My blog is young, only about four months old, but I know that the people I’ve met so far have been very welcoming. I also know that I’m looking forward to meeting more interesting people. (I came here via a tweet by ShePosts.)

  • http://twitter.com/MyBottlesUp nic

    GREAT post, fadra. really truly well done.

  • http://profiles.google.com/morethanmommy Christy Matte

    This is a great post, but I have something to add. Sometimes, in a sea of unknown faces, we just want to cling to the people who are familiar. It doesn’t mean that nobody likes you or that they’re “too good” to talk to you. It may just mean that they, like almost everyone I know, want to catch up with friends and aren’t entirely comfortable mingling in the crowd. If you’re new, it seems like everyone is paired off, but most likely you’ll pair off, too, over time. You’ll be so excited to see friends that you only see once or twice a year, and so overwhelmed by all of the chaos around you, that you may not notice the newbie who is looking to connect. I’d like to think that we all make an effort to be welcoming, but it’s not fair to hold established bloggers to a social standard over and above anyone else.

    And this is where I add how absurd it is that Fadra thinks she’s a “new” blogger. =}

  • http://twitter.com/geekbabe Jean Parks

    Part of the problem lies in the fact that blogging for many is just part of a hectic life that filled with husbands, kids and  in many
    cases full time day jobs. I’m a small fish & am hard pressed to find time to interact with my long time blogging friends. I love new bloggers, will leave a comment,subscribe or retweet their content but frequently don’t have the time to answer more complicated questions, that doesn’t make me “cliquish”  or  mean that I don’t want to know you.

  • Britishbeautyblogger

    This is such a great post.. in the UK I’m considered one of the ‘older’ bloggers because I’ve been doing it for longer, but I always love to meet new bloggers. One of my best experiences to date has been speaking at a ‘new blogger’ event full of really enthusiastic, super-keen bloggers who wiped my jaded frown right off my face! But if you go to blog events where it is a sea of new faces and nobody says hi or who they are, then it is natural to gravitate towards the ones you know. I think cliques get out of hand when they’re formed for the wrong reasons – to be judgemental or for ‘safety in numbers’. Those who only feel confident with the backing or company of those they know are hard to get to know for newer bloggers which is a shame because they have so much to pass on.  I blog in the arena of beauty where there are plenty of incentives to be a beauty blogger and it is impossible to know whether new bloggers are just testing the water or in it for the long run. It isn’t all that easy to put time and effort into new bloggers who disappear when they realise it isn’t all events and products. There are many cliques in beauty blogging, but on the other hand they seem to be friendships formed through a common experience and that’s okay in any walk of life. It’s when it becomes unpleasant or threatening or used to exclude others that it really isn’t ok at all. My advice when it comes to cliques is to have the confidence to find your own blogging friends and remember how much you didn’t like the cliques!

  • Anonymous

    Great post.  With blogging, as it is in life, people build trust in order to create relationships.  It feels great to start to build those types of relationships with my blogger friends that I see some of the “oldheads” have, and the way that they support each other is a great model for how online friendships become real life friendships.

  • Anonymous

    Great post! I am from very “old school”, I was almost (if not) the first Russian beauty blogger, I started 5 years ago. I blog in Russian but live in LA and have only virtual Russian clique and, after starting to blog in English, try to get into American beauty bloggers network. 

  • Beautella

    Thank you so much for this breath of fresh air. I’m a brand new blogger (few weeks) and having English as my 4th language doesn’t make wrighting any easier for me. But even at the very beginning I get so much support from old and experienced blogger.

  • http://www.adventuresinblogging.net/ Kimberly

    Love this post. I’ve heard of the blogging cliques, but haven’t experienced them; nor have I experienced any “mean girl” action.  I’ve received great support, wonderful advice, and I’m having a blast.  I feel that because of my good fortune I want to give back as much as possible.

    Your post was a great reminder that I need to finish my ebook!  Thanks :)

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